


Do you remember the first time we met?

by FlaredelilahEuphony



Category: Vi lumina
Genre: Curse of eventual death, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-14 21:57:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13599207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlaredelilahEuphony/pseuds/FlaredelilahEuphony
Summary: A story of the death of friends, denial of love, and flying away





	Do you remember the first time we met?

“Do you remember the time we met?” The elf asked, his gaze on the fluffy clouds above them, the sun warming his pale face. He looked over at his hafling friend, whose short brown hair had been blown into her face by the summer breeze. Her eyes were closed and she lay on her back, if he hadn’t known batter he would have thought she was sleeping.

“You always tell this story,” Jillian face spread into an easy smile and turned to look at her friend laying next to her. Her bright eyes making Smeg’s stomach do backflips. “But, I wouldn’t mind if you told me again.” She laughed at the mock hurt look on his face. 

He sat up on their picnic blanket and gazed down at her. “I was alone, in the forest by phandalin,” He said, his voice wistful at the memory. “I was so lonely, I only had my books to keep me company.” he said and she smiled. Jillian resisted the urge to make a sarcastic comment and let him continue. “When I finally got up to stretch my legs, you were there, behind me, staring like a frightened cat” They both laughed at the memory.

“You looked like a threat,” Jillian mumbled, her face coloring as she remembered her old habits. 

“Yeah, and the staring was fine, but your face was bleeding badly and you looked like you had just been beaten half to death.” He chided, his eyes drifting to the scars on her face that had never really vanished from that fateful day. “You tried to hide behind a tree, but you weren’t as stealthy back then.” 

“I remember you picked me up and held me like a baby,” Jillian laughed, her nose squishing adorably. “You ask me if I was alright-”

“And you said you were fine, I called bullshit” He recalled, pushing some of her hair out of her face. “I offered you selter for the night.”

“You were so trusting. Still are,” She chuckled, letting him touch her. “Letting a girl who was clearly unstable into your house, honestly Smeg.” She sighed, but her smile told a different story. What alarmed Smeg was the way her breath shook and taking in air took effort on her part

“Are you complaining?” He asked, putting his concern in the back of his mind. It was probably nothing, just dust in her throat. “I think that you rather enjoyed my company.” he relished the little laughs that game from her, but not missing the way her whole body shook. 

“I always will,” She sat up and patted him on his cloaked shoulder. “Till the day I’m gone.” she declared, getting up to pack their basket. She had been feeling weaker and weaker every day since the defeat of Tiamat. She doubted she would ever forget, no matter how many clouds she stared at.

“Borrowed time you live on now, and you’re running out of sand.” 

The memory was fresh, like an old wound that refused to heal. Jillian knew that Smeg would never forget, and neither would she. Still, she knew that not all magic was binding, and that she would most likely be fine.

*****************************************************************************************

“Do you remember the first time we met?” 

“You already told me that,” Jillian chuckled, but ended up in a fit of harsh coughs, making Smeg tighten his grip on her hand. 

It was odd, Jillian thought, when she decided that Smeg’s hand on hers was much better than the potions that the healer gave her. So much better than the bandages covering her arms, or the potions she swallowed to numb the pain down marginally. It made her feel as if she would live, and that was saying something, because she wasn’t even fooling herself with that lie anymore. 

“I know,” Smeg signed, brushing a stray lock of hair off Jillian’s face. “I just like remembering it.” 

Jillian smiled weakly at him. “Do you think you can share that story at my funeral?” 

“Jill, that’s not funny,” Smeg chastised, looking like he was on the verge of spilling tears onto his handsome face. “Stop saying that, alright?” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Sometimes, when Jillian was alone at night, when Carp was asleep and her aunt was still working the fields, She thought about flying. Flying was good, right?

Flying meant freedom and happiness, and serenity; something she hadn’t had for a while. Flying meant going to places that she wasn’t able to go to now, flying meant reaching the stars. Flying meant leaving dark and twisted pasts, even if that meant leaving everything behind. 

Besides, wasn’t that what everyone wanted?

“Have you ever thought about flying, Smeg?” She asked after a few minutes of Silence, making Smeg look at her. 

And once again, she could see the vibrant colors inside Smeg’s eyes that seemed to mute all the other colors in the world. At the silver in his hair and the brightness of his skin, like a star given form. 

She could just see… Smeg. 

Just Smegulock Alderleaf.

And that was enough. 

It made her feel as if flying was chaos compared to seeing this boy. It seemed that Smegulock Alderleaf was the personification of the quiet in the middle of a tornado. Like he was holding hands and silent conversations and peaceful moments tied together. 

It was as if he could do so much without moving a mussel. 

“Not as much as you do, most likely.” Smeg let out a soft laugh. “Why, do you want to fly Jillian?” 

Yes, she thought. “It’s just… It would feel amazing. At least I think it would.” 

“Perhaps,” Smeg replied, looking at Jillian calculatingly before adding, “But that would mean leaving me, or your aunt, or Carp. I would mean leaving Phandalin, leaving us.” 

“You can fly away with me.” Jillian really hoped that Smeg would say no.

“Yeah,” Smeg smiled softly, caressing Jillian’s face. “I’d enjoy that.” 

Jillian enjoyed the idea too, of course, but she didn’t have the heart to tell Smeg that soon, she’d be flying on her own. That she had to leave everything behind- leave him behind. That sometimes, you just had to be strong enough to just… fly. 

Still, the words rang in her head.

Borrowed time you live on now, and you’re running out of sand.

************************************************************************************ 

“Do you remember the first time we met?” 

Jillian smilled. “I do. You were such a dork.”

Smeg feigned offense, putting a hand to his chest and shaking his head for emphasis. “You wound me, Jillian.”

“But you were,” Jillian laughed lightly. It hurt. Moving hurt, taling hurt, even the slightest movement was agony, but that was alright. She liked hearing Smeg’s voice anyway. A little more pain would be worth it. “YOu were wearing at least three cloaks, and your hair- I miss your long hair.” 

Smeg grinned. “You looked so small and cute, ike pocket sized. I want three of you.”

“That would be more disturbing than you think.”

“I wish we could go back to that time,” Smeg said, almost sadly, looking down at his fisting hands. “You know, like it’s the first day of adventuring again. Be carefree and happy and innocent.” 

“Maybe we can,” Jillian offered weakly. I hope we could, she thought bitterly. 

Smeg smiled, although it looked forced. Jillian missed Smeg’s genuine smile- bright, really bright, like the sun.- and she felt awful for being the reason why Smeg lost that. “I’m afraid I haven’t mastered time travel yet.” 

Smile for me, please, she thought.

They stayed together in silence, staring at the ceilings, staring at their intertwined hands, staring at each other. Growing up, she hadn’t liked being stared at - it made her feel self conscious and anxious- but this? This felt much more comfortable. 

“Do you think things will ever be back to normal?” Jillian asked quietly, hopelessly. 

“Of course,” Smeg assured her “We’ll go to Skyreach again, ride the wyverns again, fight monsters again. I’ve actually been looking into new adventures, you know? Brooke, and Tom said they couldn’t wait.z’ He paused all of a sudden. “They really miss you, you know.” 

“I miss them too.”

Smeg looked down, playing with Jillian’s fingers slowly. It was unsettling seeing Jillian like this, he thought- pale and dull and almost lifeless- despite that fact that he was seeing Jillian in her current state every day. 

“That’s why you have to get better soon,” Smeg smiled, ruffling Jillian’s hair gently. “You have to fight harder, Jill. You know I’m here for you, right?”

“Of course,” Jillian smiled. 

Jillian… she still thought about flying, about how she desperately wanted to fly sooner or later- sooner, hopefully. She still thought about reaching the stars, those that didn’t compared to the boy in front of her. She still thought about being free and alive, in a most ironic sense. 

Still, she never told Smeg about it again. 

She kept remembering the tail of Icarus, how he fell in love with flying, how he wasn't supposed to fly. 

How he fell.

But at least he knew what it was like to fly. At least, in the last of his hours, he was free, he was happy

Borrowed time you live on now, and you’re running out of sand.

 

*************************************************************************************

“Do you remember the first time we met?” 

“Yes,” Jillian ripped out, putting all of her energy into just talking to Smeg. She felt tired, exhausted in all kinds of senses, and she just wanted to sleep.

She wanted to fly.

“Do you mind telling me that story again?” 

Smeg looked at her worriedly, never letting go of her hand once. “Are you sure don’t want to sleep? I think you need rest, you look exhausted.” 

Jillian fought the urge to tell Smeg that he looked just as bad- dark circles under his eyes from restless nights and disheveled hair that he had stopped bothering to comb. Still, he was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. 

“I’m okay, Smeg.” 

Smeg sighed. 

“It was- we were just kids,” Smeg started, smiling sadly at Jillian. “I had gone to read in the woods, where I thought I could finally be alone. I was friendless and lonely.”

“You were smaller too,” Jillian grinned weakly. “Now look at you.”

“Yeah, but you were way smaller than me,” Smeg laughed softly, and gods, did Jillian love the sound of that- she had missed that. Smeg was thumbing at the back of her as he continued, “I saw you up in the trees, and I approached you. I was terrified to try to talk to you, you know? So I helped you down and saw the cuts on your face.”

“I asked you if you wanted shelter that night,” Smeg smiled fondly. “I was scared that you would say no and attack me or something, but you smiled and said yes. I was so happy about that day, I even told my brothers about it.”

“I don’t think I would’ve said no,” Jillian replied, before coughing hard. It hurt, God it hurt a lot.

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay?” Smeg asked again, concern and worry painted on his face. “It’s alright, really, if you want to rest now. I’ll just stay here and wait for you to wake up.” 

“I’m fine, Smeg,” Jillian reassured him, squeezing Smeg’s hand- or at least she tried- and smiled, “I promise.

Smeg pressed a chaste kiss on her forehead.

“For the record,” Smeg said, “It was still the best thing I’ve ever done.”

Jillian only smiled

“Don’t ever leave, okay? Please, don’t give up,” Smeg rested his head against Jillian’s, whispering. “I don’t think I’ll- please, don’t be gone. Please.” 

“You’re wetting my face, silly,” Jillian chuckled, but Smeg didn’t change his position. She wished they could stay like this forever, close enough for safety, but not too close for discomfort. She wished she had more time, wished thing would just go back to how they should be, but she knew it didn’t work like that. She could feel the sand in her hourglass running out. “Stop crying, Smeg.”

Smeg was too tired to even argue with Jillian that he wasn’t crying, there was just dust in his eyes.

“I’m serious, Jill,” Smeg sniffed, shaking lightly. “Don’t be gone.” 

Jillian smiled sadly.

She never stopped thing about flying, and she thought of how she would be able to fly soon. She wouldn’t want to think about it too- she didn’t want to think of how she had to leave, of how it would make Smeg feel. She wouldn’t want her aunt to cry, or Carp, didn’t want to be forgotten at all. 

She didn’t really want to leave.

But it seemed as if her wings were already delivered, and she knew she had to take flight. Still, she didn’t understand.

Why did she feel so flightless?

Borrowed time you once lived in, and you’re almost out of sand. 

****************************************************************************************

“Do you remember the first time we met?” 

Smeg let out a quiet sob, trying to stop the tears from falling as he tightly held onto Jillian’s cloak- the familiarity and the foreign feeling overwhelming in his hands.

He couldn’t do this, he though. Not in front of all these people, not when Jillian wasn’t even listening to him. He couldn’t. He couldn’t

“I’m,” He gasped, only stopping because too much, too much, too much. That was it. That was what today was all about. Too much. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this.” 

Beside him, Booke and Tom engulfed him in a tight embrace, murmuring words of comfort - those that didn’t quite help, because no, they were wrong. It wasn’t going to be okay. It was never going to be okay. 

He felt as if he was disappointing Jillian, like he was breaking an unspoken promise. She broke that promise first, he thought bitterly. She broke that promise first.

He felt as if he was going to explode. Like his body couldn’t contain the sudden burst of emotions flowing inside- anger, hopelessness, desperation, betrayal. He thought that this must be what Vistra must have felt like when Gunther had disappeared- when he was gone.

But that was different.

Vistra didn’t love Gunther.

At least, not in the way Smeg had felt with Jillian.

And it hurt- so, so much. He hated that he was feeling this way, but at the same time, he was enduring it. He was loving it. It was punishment, in a way, and he thought he deserved that. 

Carp Alderleaf was saying something Smeg couldn’t make out up front. He was too busy, too tired, too hurt.

It was just too much.

Too much.

Much more than what he felt the first time they met. More anxiety, more fear, more pain. He didn’t think he could handle it all at once.

Because on that dreadful day of the thirtieth of September, Jillian May Alderleaf took flight, and Smegulock Alderleaf could do nothing but let go.

You own the time you die on now, your hourglass is empty.


End file.
